If I Had Only Known
by Siobhan Recca
Summary: It's a songfic it you haven't guessed already. Seriously angsty. Hope you like! And no. I'm not telling the pairing, you have to GUESS... ;p


                Eyes dark with some unnamed, unacknowledged, emotion, glinted strangely in the bare light that filtered into the darkness that shrouded the rear of the solemn gathering behind the small, almost tiny building.  Their owner wouldn't, quite, admit that the odd glimmer within them was caused by tears.  She was the strong one after all. She would never do something so weak as to _cry_. 

                It didn't matter that she had never gotten her chance.  It didn't matter how much the man droning ever on in the front made the pain inside her, threatening to tear her apart, worse and worse. Of course, it didn't matter how his every word brought back memories that she thought she had buried long ago in a different time. None of that mattered. Because it wouldn't do to cry.

                It wouldn't do at all.  

_If I had only known_

_It was our last walk in the rain_

_I'd keep you out for_

_Hours in the storm_

_I would hold your hand_

_Like a lifeline to my heart_

_Underneath the thunder _

_We'd be warm_

_If I had only known_

_It was our last walk in the rain_

                The two girls had been walking back the training center when the storm caught them a good two or three kilometers from anywhere, let alone shelter.  It wouldn't have been so bad, if it wasn't for the initial deluge that soaked them through to the bone and made making a run for it rather pointless.  Their training gear wasn't exactly designed for standing up into harsh weather conditions, though in a pinch, it would have to do. 

                That didn't mean it was warm or comfortable walking through the lightening storm. 

The slighter of the pair shivered briefly, only to have first a jacket, then an arm belonging her companion slung about her shoulders. She glanced over to see the wry, yet friendly smile that she had grown so used to over the past months, and smiled back shyly.  Shortly after, the smaller girl slipped a tentative arm about the slightly more robust girl's waist. 

They walked the last four kilometers to the training center like that in companionable silence. 

Neither one ever even noticed how cold it was becoming, until they let go of  each other to dash shivering the last ten or so feet into the training center.

_If I had only known_

_I'd never hear _

_Your voice again_

_I'd memorize each thing _

_You ever said_

_And all those lonely nights_

_I could think of them once more_

_And keep the words _

_Alive inside my head_

_If I had only known_

_I'd never hear your voice again_

                The dark haired young woman smiled with a sort of resigned impatience as her lighter haired companion chattered on about something or another with their history professor.  The way it was going, they'd never get a chance to eat before their next class.  It was ridiculous, really, the way she could go on for hours about things that never even found importance with the dark-haired girl.  But she put up with it. Because, who else would be willing to be friends with a brash girl like herself? 

                She wasn't about to lie to anyone, including herself. And she knew that she wasn't popular. She was good. Fast and strong. There was no doubting that. But she had so few friends.  

                And so she sat. And she waited. And… stormed over yelling.

                Well, so much for patience. 

                But she did have to mask the smile that had crept onto her face in the meantime.

_You were the treasure in my hand_

_You were the one _

_Who always stood beside me_

_So, unaware _

_I foolishly believed _

_That you would always be there_

_But then there came a day_

_And I turned my head_

_And you slipped away_

                She blazed across the finish line barely even a thousandth of a second before the second place runner.  Standing there at the end of the track, head down, back bowed, hands on knees, panting with sweat dripping down her face and trickling through dark bangs hanging limply before her face to splash weakly upon the ground, she knew beyond all doubts that she had won.  But she raised her proud head to gaze upon the holo-screen projected in the air above the track anyways. As she raised her gaze though, she found herself distracted by the vibrant girl panting beside her equally exhausted by their pace. Her racing partner. Her rival.

                Her best friend.

                She hadn't let up a single second out there. It was almost a miracle that the dark-haired girl had managed to find some well-spring of strength deep within from which to pull that ever so brief burst of speed and energy that propelled her across the finish line first. Surely, it could have gone either way at that point. 

                Then, all deliberations were past as the racing beauty flung her arms about her darker haired companion's waist in a nearly vain attempt at keeping her balance as the last of the field swooped past on their final lap.  Smiling seemingly at some internal joke, the dark-haired winner slung a sweaty arm about the shoulders of the girl who had wrapped surprisingly strong arms about her waist.  

                It was a favorite shot over the coming years. The two girls, having just finished an awe-inspiring record-winning run, dripping sweat from their faces with their arms about each other. The dark-haired girl's arm briefly disappearing behind her friend only to reappear with a victory sign over her friend's opposite shoulder. The other with her arms about the winner's waist, a slight blush on her face.

                There were times she wondered where that photo had gone. 

_If I had only known_

_It was my last night _

_By your side_

_I'd pray a miracle _

_To stop the dawn_

_And when you smiled at me_

_I would look into your eyes_

_And make sure you know _

_My love for you goes on and on_

_If I had only known_

                She came over often to the other girl's room. It was always for little things. A scary sound. A strange movement in the darkness of her own room. Little things, of little importance. But she let her in, and made a space for her in the bed. It was her way of showing that she cared. 

                They'd spent many nights sleeping together like that. With the lighter-haired girl's head nestled on the dark-haired girl's shoulder and their arms wrapped about one another.  Falling asleep to the sound of each other's heartbeat.

If any had taken a picture of that scene, they might have suggested that the pair were more than friends. But they would always deny it, blushing darkly. 

                No one doubt that they meant more to each other than mere friends. 

No one except themselves. 

_If I had only known_

                Now though. Now, the dark-haired girl, who had grown into a lovely raven-haired woman, wished more than anything that she could take it all back. Every recantation. Every disavowal. All of it. 

                But she knew that no matter how much or how long she wished, it could never be. 

_Oh, the love I would have shown_

_If I_

                Things had gone so far beyond what mere words could heal. There was no repairing that which had broken this time. No remaking anew what had grown worn and ragged with age. This was so far beyond that. And she knew it. 

                The others surrounding her filed silently away. They may have spoken to her, may even have laid their hands upon her shoulder. But she never noticed. Her dark eyes just shimmered strangely in the dark as she fought against the glint that shone there until she was alone.

                Then they came. 

                The tears trickled down her face in ever increasing rivulets.  A broken sob tore itself from her throat. 

_Had only_

                She stared for a while at the mute object that stood before her, nails cutting into her palms until the flesh rent itself and blood poured from her fists to splash against her shoes and soak into the ground.  

                "Dammit. Why didn't you wait? Why didn't you keep your promise?! DAMMIT!!" Cried the woman as she slammed bloody fists unforgiving stone.

                A last gasping, heart-rending sob and she spun about and raced away, tearing up great chunks of turf in her haste to escape the mind-numbing allure of the object of her attention.

_Known_

                Then there was silence behind the small chapel once more.  The only signs that anyone had ever been there were the torn ground from the woman's escape and the new gray stone that sat upon the tattered earth. 

                It was not fancy or elaborate. Rather it was simple and, to be honest, a bit plain. Much like the woman who was barely more than a girl that it stood for.  It didn't demand your attention, but your attention was drawn to it none the less.  Few elaborations and fewer words were all that was needed to explain it's purpose through the tearstains and bloody handprints that marred its surface. 

_Kanzaki Akari_

_Cosmo Beauty 4999_

_Born 4982_

_Died  5014_

_She is already missed_

Disclaimers: "If I Had Only Known." Is copyrighted 1991 by MCA Records, Inc, and Reba McEntire. "Battle Athletes Victory" "Battle Athletes" IPC/Pioneer Entertainment (USA), AIC, TV Tokyo, AEON. All rights are reserved by the respective owners of the copyrights. The bad spelling and grammar are my fault entirely. I wouldn't blame that on the wonderful people who create such terrific things. I think the idea may be mine, but who knows. 


End file.
